R U OK? How to Start a Real Conversation and What to Do Next

R U OK? Day, held on the second Thursday of September each year (confirmed as Thursday 10 September 2026 by ruok.org.au), is a reminder that a genuine conversation can be a meaningful first step when someone is struggling. Checking in doesn't require special training. It follows a simple pattern: ask, listen, encourage and check in again.

This guide covers how to notice when someone might not be doing okay, how to have that conversation, and what role a GP and a Mental Health Care Plan can play if more support is needed.

Signs Someone Might Not Be Themselves

Rather than trying to diagnose what's going on, it's more useful to notice when someone seems different from their usual self. That might look like:

Pulling away, being less social or less interested in things they'd normally enjoy. Changes in sleep, energy, appetite or mood. Seeming more withdrawn, irritable, overwhelmed or flat than usual.

You don't need to be certain something is wrong before you check in. Noticing a change is enough of a reason to ask.

The Four-Step R U OK? Conversation

Ask. Choose a quiet, private moment and ask how they're really going, not just "how are you", but something like "how are you going, really?"

Listen. You don't need to fix everything. Give them space to talk without judgement, and resist the urge to jump straight to solutions.

Encourage action. If they're struggling, encourage them to speak with someone who can help: a friend, family member, or their GP.

Check in again. A single conversation can be the beginning, not the end. Send a message, make a call, or ask again in a few days or weeks.

When It's Time to Suggest a GP

A GP appointment can be a reasonable next step if someone's mood, sleep, energy or ability to cope has been affected for a while, or if they're not sure where else to turn. You don't need to wait until things feel unmanageable. An earlier conversation with a GP can simply be a way to talk through what's been happening.

What a Mental Health Care Plan Involves

A Mental Health Care Plan is developed with your GP and can provide a pathway to see a psychologist or other mental health professional, potentially with a Medicare rebate for a set number of sessions. Session numbers and rebate rules are set by Medicare and can change, so ask your GP for the current details that apply to your situation rather than relying on a fixed figure.

Putting a plan together usually starts with a conversation about what you've been experiencing, followed by your GP working with you on a plan tailored to your circumstances and, where appropriate, a referral.

Looking After Your Own Mental Health

If you're the one who hasn't been feeling like yourself, the same advice applies: you don't have to wait until things feel overwhelming before reaching out. This is often connected to other parts of health too. Ongoing chronic health conditions and general wellbeing can affect each other, which is one reason GPs look at the wider picture rather than a single issue in isolation. It's also a conversation men in particular sometimes put off. See our guide to men's health check-ups for more on why regular appointments matter.

FAQs

What if someone says they're fine but I don't think they are? You can gently note what you've noticed, for example, "you seem a bit quieter than usual lately", and let them know you're around if they want to talk, without pressuring them.

Do I need a referral to see a psychologist? A Mental Health Care Plan from your GP is one pathway to a Medicare rebate for psychology sessions. Your GP can talk you through the options that suit your situation.

Is there a cost for a Mental Health Care Plan appointment? Billing varies by appointment and provider. Speak with our reception team or your GP about current fees and any rebates that may apply.

What if I'm worried about someone's immediate safety? If you believe someone is in immediate danger, contact emergency services on 000. For crisis support, Lifeline (13 11 14) is available 24/7.

If you need to talk, book an appointment with one of our GPs at Crown West Medical via HotDoc, or call (02) 4228 4155.

This article is general information, not personal medical advice. Please see your GP to talk about what's right for you.